I go through the same pattern over and over again. I get close to 160, panic and drop back down to 148, then binge eat until I get up to 160 again and the cycle continues. I’m starting the binge cycle again and I don’t know how to stop. Every where I look I see forbidden food, that in my mind I believe I deserve. The deserving turns into bingeing because I can’t control myself.
I’d like to blame my bingeing on stress or just juggling a lot in my life but in my heart I know it’s none of those things. I’ve been much more stressed and juggled much more and managed to eat less. Honestly, I am a food addict and like any good addict knows, having the source of the addiction in the house, needs to stop. I clearly cannot control myself after work.
Last night I threw away all the trigger foods in my pantry and fridge. This included the home made double chocolate chip cookies a lady at the office made and the cool ranch Doritos. How did these sneak into my house anyway, I should know better. If I’m going to pig out, I want it to be on grapes or apples.
I wasn’t walking at lunch like I always do for over a month. I got myself out there Monday Tuesday and today so far and will continue for the rest of the week. I’m not going to push myself too hard with activity or I’ll just quit.
I started Physio last week for my RSI in my fore arm and wish I had started it sooner. The RSI was getting so bad; my fingers were going numb at night. Already the pain is greatly reduced, to which I am greatly relieved. I’ve been very lazy with cooking because even chopping veggies hurts my arm.
My bingeing aside, I still feel pretty good about myself. I went to a party on Saturday and felt thin and attractive, which I would never have felt a couple years ago. Here’s a picture of me at the party:
It's hard (impossible) for me to avoid the trigger foods when they're in the house, but if I deprive myself of them I feel cheated. It's a lose-lose attitude, but I want to beat those damn Doritos this time! Good for you for chucking them in the trash. You're in control - you can do it!
ReplyDeleteit's SO hard to not eat all the crap... I especially struggle when friends and my bf offer you their unhealthy choices. Good on you for just getting rid of it. By the way - how fantastic does your hair look!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for throwing the crap out! I go through stages where I can have junk in the house and just eat it occasionally, and other times I can't even look at it without bingeing. I guess you just have to know your limits sometimes? Who knows why it happens sometimes and not others.
ReplyDeleteYou look beautiful and I love that dress on you!
Congrats on throwing away all your problem food. I find not keeping them around helps too. Maybe you need to reward yourself (not with food) for walking during work or start tracking how far/long you go. It's crazy how fast it builds up. I'm almost at 1000km run this year. I didn't start running until January and I can't believe I'm almost in the four figures. It makes me feel proud and inspires me to keep at it, even on days I don't want to.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for you support :) Honestly made my day to come home from work and read all the lovely advice and complements. I HATE throwing away food, something to do with starving children in Africa...but it needed to be done.
ReplyDeleteAmen, I echo the comments above. The bet part about this is that you know your limits - and that is key!
ReplyDeleteWay to go on the lunch-time walks - I took a page out of your book a couple weeks ago and started walking on my lunch breaks as well - I love it - totally breaks the day and puts me in a better mood.
BTW - you are very pretty - I hope to have a skinny little waist like yours one day soon :)
Keep up the awesome work!