List of junk I ate this weekend:
Greasy Sausages dipped in Syrup - 4
Hash browns
Pancakes with apple sauce and more Syrup
Sushi - LOTS
1/2 box Mac and Cheese
6 Nummy Vegan Cookies
Large bowl of Lucky Charms
Starbucks Coffee Cake
McDonald's Breakfast Sandwich
Coffee with Cream (GAHHHH!!!!! my weakness)
Starbucks Banana Bread
Pizza 2 slices
Orange Julius
4 Dad's Cookies with Milk
1/2 bag of Maynard's Gummy bears
I wanted to disclose my weight loss history. I decided I was fat in the 8Th grade. I was the new girl at a very cliquey private school. There was a boy named Mike I liked beyond reason. Upon circling my wrist, then the wrist of this blond, conniving trollop not worthy of a name, declared to the class I was fat. I was 145 pounds. The very weight I have been fighting to keep and maintain for most of my adult life.
After high school, I packed on the freshman 15 in my first year of College. I then met my husband of 2 years and continued on to gain 65 pounds in about as much time. I started Jenny when I was 21 after being told by my doctor my weight was out of control. Through my divorce I managed to stay with Jenny and lost a total of 75 pounds. I've maintained this weight for 3 years staying between 150-160 pounds. I've really struggled to loose my "Vanity weight" and get to my goal of 135 pounds.
On my weight loss journey I have had so many weekends like the list above. As far as bad weekends go, this truly wasn't as horrible as I've been in the past. My most memorable binge consisted of not one but two pints Ben and Jerry's, 2 bottles of red wine, 2 big macs, 1 medium meat lovers pizza and a very large greasy Denny's breakfast, all consumed in 1 day. I proudly journaled it in my Weight Watcher book, starred and highlighted the page as WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. No day could ever be as bad as that day.
I stepped on the scale last night, and had a good cry. I've gained 4.4 pounds since my Tuesday weigh-in. I'm 152.4 pounds. That horrible worst day of my life feeling struck again. I felt like giving up, throwing in the towel and saying fuck it. Obviously my inner fat girl wants out more then my inner skinny chick. I woke up this morning wondering why I allow food to have so much power over me and my life. Most of my thoughts in a day are along the lines of "If I eat this, I can't eat that." "It's truly unfair that Melissa eats whatever she likes and never gains a pound!" "I shouldn't have had that doughnut yesterday, but since I did, what difference does it make if I have another?"
Today I am reminding myself that only when I plan my meals, and stick to this plan, do I stop obsessing about food. It's tried and true. This is when I feel in control. I will not dwell on all the icky yucky food I ate on the weekend but remember that I do have a inner Skinny Chick and she WILL beat that Ugly Fat Bitch to a bloody pulp. Today's food plan is as follows:
1 VitaTop Double Chocolate - 1 point
1 cup Multi-Grain Cheerios - 2 points
1/2 cup Bran buds - 1 point
1 cup Lite Vanilla Soy - 2 points
1 Sandwich Thin - 1 point
Turkey Slices 3 - 2 points
1 slice Lite Swiss cheese - 1 point
Mustard - 0 points
Fiber One Chewy Chocolate Bar - 1 point
1 Cup Carrots - 1 point
1 serving Turkey Chili - 8 points
1 Bag WW Kettle Corn - 1 point
Total: 21 points
This is Cass signing off. To a New Day and a New Week. Anything is possible.
I too, have an inner Fat bitch lurking in the shadows waiting for my skinny chick to get distracted, or tie her shoes. Damn you inner Fat bitch! Damn you!
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude - I too am slowing beating my inner fat girl to a pulp - she's a hard one to tackle though. Your weight history is one that sounds familiar... keep up the tracking! You CAN get to 135.
It's funny, sometimes when I read your blog it reminds me of exactly how I feel. We all have weekends where we go completely off track and revert to our old ways, and it makes sense right. We ate in an unhealthy way for far longer than we have been eating healthy. The difference is that before we didn't always realize how bad our eating was -- and now we do! Definitely an accomplishment if I say so.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for realizing what you did "wrong" and how to get back on track. I am exactly the same as you, in that I do much better when I meal plan for the entire day -- that way I stay OP and am less likely to go crazy.
I hope today and tomorrow are better days for you! You can do it!!
I hate those skinnyfat girls that look so skinny and eat whatever they want but are probably not healthy at all since they devour excess cheese and booze and eat burgers and pizza and pasta whenever they feel like it. Someday they'll wake up and won't have the metabolism they do now and it's going to be as tough for them as it is for us. I look at cheese and gain weight. ugh. but old habits die hard.
ReplyDeletemeal planning is where it's at. if I feel like something sweet or salty or crunchy and it's not available in my cupboard the craving passes without me giving in. that's my best method for not giving in... but man is it hard to say no when all my skinny girl friends are chowing down. nothing tastes as good as skinny feels right? ha!
Way to own it and move on. There's nothing more than that that you can do so good job.
ReplyDeleteI have to meal plan too, it's the only way I have any chance on staying on plan.
Have a great week! :)
Admitting you overate is the first step to fixing it. You can do this and you will, but we all have set backs and this is just one of many on the road to a healthy weight. Tomorrow is a new day and this nice thing is weight you put on recently tends to come off faster.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!