Sore, oh so sore

Yesterday evening I went for what I learned was a 8 KM walk with an old friend of mine that I hadn't seen in years. If I'd known it was going to be a 8 KM walk, I just don't think I would have taken part, so it's probably best she never told me. Half way through I thought I was going to die. When I tried to get out of bed this morning, I thought about calling in sick, I was that sore. It wasn't my calf's, or my thighs but my hips of all things. I feel like a little old lady!

Not much else to report. I still have a cold sore and it sucks. The last 2-3 weeks I haven't been able to sleep through the night, which is really starting to wear me out, not to mention hungry. I have a hair appointment tomorrow, and I am very excited to get a good deal of my hair lopped off and get some bangs. I want to get something like this:



I got 2 blog awards this week! The first is from this wonderful blogger. Check out her blog yo. Thank you Sylvia!



I also got a Beautiful Blogger Award from from Rescuing Lisa. Thank you so much Lisa that made my day more then you can imagine! The condition of the award is that I list 7 things you don't know about me and pass the award on to 7 other bloggers.



First - 7 things you don't know about me:

1. I sing in the shower. A lot.
2. I harbour an unnatural fear of zombies. Half my life revolves around how I will escape when an infection breaks out. All my friends know the codeword and the evacuation plan. And it's not if, it's when.
3. I have a diploma in Hotel Management. Took me 2 years to graduate. I worked in a hotel for a little over 2 weeks and quit.
4. I've been held up at gunpoint. It sucked.
5. I have 2 friends I've known since I was 10. They are probably plotting my death as I type.
6. I could not possibly live without my local library. I mean they give you books. FOR FREE!
7. I love to dance. I've been known to bust a move in our local grocery store on a busy Saturday, much to Steves dismay.

And on to my favorite Bloggers:

My friend M and her blog of things she likes
Michelle at the Garlic Chronicles
Lindsay at Healthy Stride
Amanda at Busting Through it
Amie at Running on Healthy
Cher at Love Actually
Flabby McGee at Flabby McGee



Oh and I ate a whole Kit Kat bar after lunch. Whoops.

Today:

Coffee with a splash of soy
Bran buds (1 point)
Special K with fruit and yogurt (1 point)
Soy (2 points)
Apple (1 point)
Salmon (3 points)
Lite Mayo (1 point)
Sandwich Thin (1 point)
Carrots (1 point)
Kit Kat (6 points)
Yogurt (1 point)
Home made chicken strips (5 points)
Baked Fries (4 points)
Mustard Dip (2 points)
Grapes (1 point)

Total: 30 points.

Again, I'm hurting for readers of my new blog I don't care too much for money, so if being frugal interests you, please take a look :)

Yes, that is a Cold Sore on my lip

Yes, I have a cold sore. It's big, it's red and I have nick named it Grossness Goo. If one more person in my office asks me about whats on my lip, I might actually have to bust a cap in someones arse! If any of you are the receievers of this wonderfully disgusting virus, you know that they just plain suck. They burn and ooze. I started my Lysine and Vitamin C regiment last night when I felt the tingle, but looks like it still reared its ugly head anyway. *sigh*

I didn't go for my walk at lunch today. I decided to have a lay down in the car as I didn't sleep a lot last night. I shoulda walked. Tomorrow, I promise.

I am still quite amazed I'm 148 pounds, seeing as I've been eating crapola the last 2-3 weeks. My mother thinks it's because no matter how much crap I eat, I still get in my Bran Buds and lots of fiber. Yah for Fiber, Fiber is your friend!

My food today:

Coffee with a splash of soy (I count no points on this as its literally a splash)
1 cup soy (2 points)
1/2 cup Special K Fruit and Yogurt (1 point)
1/3 cup Bran Buds (1 point)
1 All-Bran Chewy Bar EWWWW! (2 points)
2 Hardboiled Eggs (4 points
1 Tsp light mayo (1 point)
1 Sandwhich thin (1 point)
1/2 cup carrots (1 point)
1/2 cup yogurt (1 point)
1 apple (1 point)
Sushi (12 points)

Total: 27 points! Not 20 but thats ok, I just want to concentrate on tracking right now.



This brings me to the All-Bran Chewy Bars. These are honestly the worst fiber like ceral bar I have ever had. Its no chewy at all, it taste like cardboard and the sprinkling of chocolate chips on the top are just insulting. Save yourself $3 and STAY AWAY from the All-Bran Chewy Bars.

Last but not least, I started a new blog a little while ago called "I don't care too much for money." Documenting my journey as a starving student (starting school in September) I would love to have a couple followers so check me out!

My personal Life is taking over my Life

Hair: Pony tail again. I'm a little stressed out OK?

Weight: funnily enough I've remained at 148.6 for the last 4 weeks now

Body Image: What this old thing?

I've been stressed lately. Stressed and I've not been sleeping terribly well. This paired with my struggle to complete all my outstanding requirements for admission to the CDA program at my local college and my home life in chaos leads me to eat. Luckily it has not yet reflected in my weekly weigh-ins, but I am beginning to think its only a matter of time! My tracking has reflected that I am eating on average 6 points more then I should be. It's not terrible, but will most certainly lead to a gain.

On a positive note, I got my walk in today at lunch, but I ate one of those mini bags of Doritos which was a whopping 5 points for a little itty-bitty bag. It was sooo tasty! I am still eating my delish Vitamuffins and my Bran Buds every morning which I believe is directly contributing to keeping off the extra weight by keeping me regular. Yah for being regular! I am still drinking quite a bit of water as well.



Today I came across this beautiful image on someone's blog. I became quite sad as I began to wonder if I would every feel anything close to what this image portrays. I've been married before, and I remember loving the man I was with, but could I say I loved him like this? You know, that feeling that nothing could part you? Not God, not the Devil himself. Now as I was thinking this my mothers voice popped into my head "My dear, one must be realistic. These days, there is no World War sending all the men to battle. A great High comes with a great Low. Don't be so silly."

I'm wondering if the reason I don't feel all these romantic gushy feelings for Steve, is because he and I have never been placed in a circumstance where we've been forced to part. He and I live together and work together. I see him everyday almost all day. Rarely do we go more then a couple hours without seeing one another. Could it be possible that we have no chance to appreciate each other? I don't know. But I would like to figure it out and soon before I lose my mind.

My question this week is: How do you know when your still in love, when the Rose Colored glasses have come off?

I love my family!

Hair: Lazily pulled into a pony.

Weight: I love my curvy body. We'll just guess and say 145. That would make me happy!

Body Image: I am what I think I am.

My parents have returned from the all their traveling adventures and are back home in Kelowna now. Both my Dad and Mom were in hospital when they were in Arizona which gave everyone quite the scare. I drove up to Westbank (just outside of Kelowna) to stay with them for 5 days on the weekend. I had a great time! I got to see my little niece and nephew, my grown up niece and my step sister. Of course I ate way to much and am terrified to step on the scale!!

We had some lovely meals. My mom cooked a wonderful steak dinner and my niece Andrea made homemade hamburgers with guacamole and salad. I wish I didn't feel guilty about all the food I ate, but that's my relationship with food. I can't just enjoy it, I need to worry how many points are in each mouth full, and usually eat it anyway. This means I didn't track, and I most certainly did not stay on program, but I am remembering that I had a lovely time. Here is a lovely group shot:



Don't you just love the little one's faces?

This week I am still trying very hard to focus on tracking and getting my 30 minute walks in. I feel all thrown off my normal routine because I took a couple days off work, and this always throws me for a loop. Work has been terribly slow, which certainly activates mindless eating. My home life is still all up in the air, but on a brighter note I got accepted into the Dental Program at my local College.

I cannot believe the hoops I have to jump through to complete my admission requirements. They have given me 30 days to get a Dental Exam, Physical Exam, Immunization Records, take CPR and First Aid, complete a Criminal Record Check and get a TB skin test. I'm pulling out my hair just thinking about it. I'm also plagued with this feeling that I could be making the wrong decision. I make pretty good money right now, probably what I'll start making as a Dental Assistant. Am I doing this for the right reasons? Am I going to like it? What if I don't and I end up spending 20K on a program I hate and throw away the great job I have now?

If anyone still reads my blog, do you love what you do? Why do you love it and how much schooling did you take? Do you have any regrets?

Ahhh Phooey!

List of junk I ate this weekend:

Greasy Sausages dipped in Syrup - 4
Hash browns
Pancakes with apple sauce and more Syrup
Sushi - LOTS
1/2 box Mac and Cheese
6 Nummy Vegan Cookies
Large bowl of Lucky Charms
Starbucks Coffee Cake
McDonald's Breakfast Sandwich
Coffee with Cream (GAHHHH!!!!! my weakness)
Starbucks Banana Bread
Pizza 2 slices
Orange Julius
4 Dad's Cookies with Milk
1/2 bag of Maynard's Gummy bears

I wanted to disclose my weight loss history. I decided I was fat in the 8Th grade. I was the new girl at a very cliquey private school. There was a boy named Mike I liked beyond reason. Upon circling my wrist, then the wrist of this blond, conniving trollop not worthy of a name, declared to the class I was fat. I was 145 pounds. The very weight I have been fighting to keep and maintain for most of my adult life.

After high school, I packed on the freshman 15 in my first year of College. I then met my husband of 2 years and continued on to gain 65 pounds in about as much time. I started Jenny when I was 21 after being told by my doctor my weight was out of control. Through my divorce I managed to stay with Jenny and lost a total of 75 pounds. I've maintained this weight for 3 years staying between 150-160 pounds. I've really struggled to loose my "Vanity weight" and get to my goal of 135 pounds.

On my weight loss journey I have had so many weekends like the list above. As far as bad weekends go, this truly wasn't as horrible as I've been in the past. My most memorable binge consisted of not one but two pints Ben and Jerry's, 2 bottles of red wine, 2 big macs, 1 medium meat lovers pizza and a very large greasy Denny's breakfast, all consumed in 1 day. I proudly journaled it in my Weight Watcher book, starred and highlighted the page as WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. No day could ever be as bad as that day.

I stepped on the scale last night, and had a good cry. I've gained 4.4 pounds since my Tuesday weigh-in. I'm 152.4 pounds. That horrible worst day of my life feeling struck again. I felt like giving up, throwing in the towel and saying fuck it. Obviously my inner fat girl wants out more then my inner skinny chick. I woke up this morning wondering why I allow food to have so much power over me and my life. Most of my thoughts in a day are along the lines of "If I eat this, I can't eat that." "It's truly unfair that Melissa eats whatever she likes and never gains a pound!" "I shouldn't have had that doughnut yesterday, but since I did, what difference does it make if I have another?"

Today I am reminding myself that only when I plan my meals, and stick to this plan, do I stop obsessing about food. It's tried and true. This is when I feel in control. I will not dwell on all the icky yucky food I ate on the weekend but remember that I do have a inner Skinny Chick and she WILL beat that Ugly Fat Bitch to a bloody pulp. Today's food plan is as follows:

1 VitaTop Double Chocolate - 1 point
1 cup Multi-Grain Cheerios - 2 points
1/2 cup Bran buds - 1 point
1 cup Lite Vanilla Soy - 2 points

1 Sandwich Thin - 1 point
Turkey Slices 3 - 2 points
1 slice Lite Swiss cheese - 1 point
Mustard - 0 points

Fiber One Chewy Chocolate Bar - 1 point
1 Cup Carrots - 1 point

1 serving Turkey Chili - 8 points

1 Bag WW Kettle Corn - 1 point

Total: 21 points

This is Cass signing off. To a New Day and a New Week. Anything is possible.

Taste not - Want not

Hair: Ponytail as I refused to blow dry or straighten it last night.

Weight: 148.8 Oh God, please can I just wake up skinny?

Body Image: Not as bad as it could be.

I haven't been tracking, I haven't been on program and I absolutely positively have not been putting any effort into my weight loss journey. This always happens when I get under the 150 pound mark and I know why. This weight (150 pounds) is achievable and maintainable for me. It's my safety weight. I fit nicely into a size 8 and I am no longer in the overweight category. I'm comfortable. I know it's hard work and perseverance that will take me to my goal weight but I am so afraid to fail, that I refuse to try.

My goal this next week is to just track. I'm really struggling with this for some reason. If I can just get over this hurtle, I feel the rest will be a piece of cake. I'm finding the last week I've been really hungry for some reason. Its all in my head, I know this but I've been using it as an excuse to unnecessarily over eat. It certainly doesn't help that my personal life is all willy-nilly. Being newly single, but still living with my Ex has certainly been interesting. I'm eating out to get out of the house and going out for drinks a lot more then I would normally. This adds up to a lot of extra points.

I've still been going on my daily walks at lunch (30 minutes of brisk walking) but I have not been walking at all after work. I bought a new laptop on Tuesday, which really has not been assisting with my weightless efforts. A Science Fiction mag in the states bought a short story from me but probably won't be publishing it. They bought the story for optional publication in future issues. This has spurred me on to edit a good portion of my old work for future submission. The down side is there is no way to type and walk. I've been getting terrible RSI in my wrist which I know would benefit from lots of short breaks (I should be going out side and walking around the block)

On a positive note it's the weekend and I am ready for it. Tonight, I have a date with a 7 year old (I Big Sister a little boy with disabilities) I'll be heading to Ikea early tomorrow morning to get a small desk for my bedroom which will provide me with a writing station, sorely needed. My good friend Mike will be helping me do the back up disks for my new laptop later on. I have a dog walking date with a girlfriend for Sunday morning. I have no engagements involving food or alcohol ya me! Have a great weekend everyone :) I'll leave you with a song. Another favorite.

Monday Meanderings

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.

Hair: I straightened it against my better judgment *sigh* It rained!

Weight: 150.8 pounds (last night before dinner)

Body Image: Feeling like a spring lamb (I even frolicked to the car this morning)

I love spring. Something about this time of year warms my heart and soul. The weather changed numerous times on the weekend, from blinding sun to wind storms to sheets of rain. Nothing compares to having the weather match your mood, and lord knows I'm moody by nature. I must take more pictures when I'm out on my nightly walks. Last night Steve and I saw a floating object in the air that looked an awful lot like a drifting Ogopogo. Everyone I tell thinks I'm off my rocker.

I've been pretty much off program this week. I had a horrible sore throat for 3 days that kept me sleeping for the better part of the weekend. I did go over the border on Saturday to grab a bunch of "diet food" they don't sell here in Canada much to my dismay. I spent an obscene amount of money on food, but justified my purchases for the greater good of my waist line. My weigh in is tomorrow, and I do not expect anything more then a small gain. I predict +0.8.



I know its not New Product Wednesday but....I have a new favorite food that I have been buying in Blaine, WA. I love it sooo much that I am willing to sit in the border line up for 1 hour both ways to buy it. Hostess makes 100 calorie cupcakes in packs of threes. Each package has 3g of fat and 5g of Fiber making them only 1 point on Weight Watchers. I bought the only 2 flavors they had at Cost Cutters (Chocolate Cake with Creamy Filling and Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cakes) YUM YUM YUM.



On the boyfriend front, Steve and I have still been spending quite a bit of time together, but on a platonic level. I'm going to stop talking to my friends about Steve, I don't think they need to know and quite frankly I think their theories are flawed. Both Steve and I never dated, we just fell into our relationship. We moved in together very quickly and I did what I always do, became another man's mother. I have this problem where I do EVERYTHING for the person I'm with instead of asking for help when I need it. My mother says I train my men to be lazy and I know I do.

Now I think we are courting each other again, and I quite like it. We spent Friday night on the floor of our kitchen drinking terrible wine and laughing about nothing. I had a lovely time. I no longer want to think about whether or not we're in love, if we are good for each other or if we are making each other happy. I just want to live moment to moment. I'm young, I don't have to have all the answers and I'm not in the running yet for marriage or a family.

My goals for this week are:

- Track everyday no matter what I eat this includes Bites, Tastes and Licks
- Walk for 1 hour after dinner 3 times
- Walk 30 minutes on my lunch break each day

New Product Wednesday and Shameless Band Plug

Hair: wavy curly wish it wasn't so frizzy kinda messy thing. The picture is above.

Weight: Weigh-in was 150.2!

Body Image: For some reason I'm feeling kinda off today

I was very surprised to weigh in last night and find out I'd lost 2.2 pounds! I'm finally where I was last summer. I cannot believe that my massive binge on Wednesday did not effect my weight or all the drinking I did on Tuesday. I think the Weight Watcher gods were smiling on me for once. To celebrate I went for a walk after dinner and cuddle with my cats for 2 hours of Lost.

I still haven't figured out what the hell to do about Steve. We've been together for a little over 2 years and I have a sneaking suspicion I'm just not in love with him any longer. I can't seem to decide if I am ready to let go though. I know he loves me so much and I loved him so much not so long ago. Good men are hard to find, but do I want just any good man?



I tried 2 new products this week. The first I'm sure has attributed to this weeks weight loss. It's called True Lemon and it taste just like fresh squeezed lemon. It has 25% of your daily requirement of Vitamin C and certainly shakes things up with your water intake. Cost $6.99



The other item is Splenda Flavours for Coffee. I bought French Vanilla and Hazelnut. Both taste awesome! I use them in my Lattes on the weekend and boy are they tasty. Cost $6.29


And now for my shameless plug! Support your local bands! Ok well MY local band. I work with the drummer and seen them play a couple shows. Check out their my space, listen to their tunes. I have extra CDs so if you like their music...I MAY even send you a free CD.


http://www.savenoneband.com
http://www.myspace.com/savenone