Drama, Drama

Hair: second day waves

Weight: 153.4 (beer, beer and more beer)

Body Image: I was hot last night, does that make me hot this morning?

The last week and a half has been debauchery at its finest. This new little endeavour has been costing me points left right and center unfortunately. I hate using my flex points for liquids. This is stunting my weight loss considerably. The irritating thing is I KNOW its not a good idea to be playing games behind my boyfriends back, and I certainly know its a bad idea drinking my weight in beer, but I just can't help myself. It's like I thrive on the drama.

Last night my best friend and I watched a band called Save None perform at the Roxy in downtown Vancouver. If you haven't heard of Save None, you should go check out their website at www.myspace.com/savenone and have a listen to some of their singles. I got all gussied up and I thought I looked mighty fine if I do say so myself. I had 4 beers, way more then I planned but it's hard to say no when someone is buying you drinks. I had such a great time! I love going out and feeling my age, living it up while I'm still old enough to kick it. But I have to find a happy medium between going out and sticking to plan.

My weigh in yesterday went alright considering I drank lots of beer twice on the weekend. I gained .4 pounds which put me at 153.4. This week I am going to try to be a lot more diligent with tracking and not drink an ounce of booze. Hopefully I'll also figure out what the heck I'm doing in my personal life.

Over Eating

Hair: wavy puffy ponytail thing

Weight: 154 (but but but.....yeah I'm eating to much)

Body Image: I'm not where I need to be but thank God I'm not where I used to be (My favorite quote pretty much covers how I'm feeling today)

This week has been rough for no other apparent reason than I'm allowing it to be. I haven't been feeling 100%, it's been pouring rain from sun up to sun down, I've been losing orders left and right at work and I'm falling very far behind on house work. Normally I wouldn't let this pull me down, but this week I've been using it as an excuse to self medicate with extra food. Since Monday I've been eating 5 extra points on top of my 22 point allowance and I have no desire to do anything about it this week. In an effort to at least feel good about something other then my weight loss (which is NOT the center of the universe) I'm listing 5 items I truly believe I could not live without on my weight loss journey.

1. Bran Buds - My family is completely, totally and utterly plagued with constipation. Everyone thinks this is pretty funny, but if you were bloated and unable to use the loo all the time, you wouldn't think it was funny. I keep the bran buds singles in my purse at all times. With 9 grams of fiber per bag, they are essential!

2. Baby Carrots - Sweet, crunchy and satisfying. I eat at least a cup a day, sometimes more.

3. Bodywise Bagels - I also eat one of these a day. Only 2 points and way better then the Weight Watcher Bagels. Just lovely with a tablespoon sugar free jam and low-fat peanut butter.

4. Vitasoy Lite Vanilla Soy - I have a cup with my cereal and use it in my tea throughout the day. It's sweet and totally kills sugar cravings.

5. Jolly Time Kettle Corn Mini Bags - Only 1 point but very filling and satisfying.

What are your must have food items?

Here's to the weekend everyone! Remember life is not about dieting, but living healthy and being happy.

Old Pictures and New Product Wednesday!

My weigh-in last night went just the way I thought it would. I lost .2 pounds which is attributed to the fact I went pee right before my weigh in. I know my choices on the weekend are affecting my weight loss tremendously. All my flex points are being used in 2 days causing me to feel very bloated on Monday. My goal this weekend is to stay with in 30 points both Saturday and Sunday, only using 8 flex points each day.

Last night I was going through some of my old emails and I came across some pictures of my bridal shower in 2004 (I was 20) and the shots from when I tried on my wedding dress. I was somewhere between 220-230 pounds in these pictures. I cannot stress how miserable I was when I was at this weight. I couldn't go up stairs without holding the banister and often had to stop halfway. My sex life was dull because neither my ex-husband or I could muster up enough energy to make it interesting. My blood pressure and cholesterol were that of an overweight 50 year old. I hated having my picture taken and had lots of trouble finding clothes to fit me.






The picture below is my favorite picture of me. I'm the one in the red tank top, black pants. I just so happen to be at my lowest weight ever of 138 pounds. I was single at the time and had left my husband of 2 years 4-5 months earlier. I had stopped eating much for most of this time, convinced I would never find another man if I was fat. Unfortunetly because I was starving myself, it was very hard to keep up once I became comfortable in a relationship. Now that I am on Weight Watchers I find I am learning to eat properly without starving myself silly.



While cruising around online yesterday I came across something new that I just had to try. They are called VitaMuffins and VitaTops. They both pack 5-7g of fiber and just 100 calories making them only 1 point each! I tried both the Deep Chocolate Top and the CranBran Muffin and both are very tasty and filling for only 1 point. In Canada they are sold in Safeway, IGA and Shoppers Drugmart. One box of 4 is $4.98. My freezer will never been seen without these bad boys again. I've been buying the 1 point Weight Watcher Bars and find them small and unsatisfying. These new Muffins will now take there place.

New BBQ and pondering

Hair: straight

Weight: 153 pounds (so much for staying on program)

Body Image: pretty darn good if I do say so myself

I had a great weekend! Friday night Steve and I did our cheap take out (I got sushi, he got A&W) and vegged out to season 5 of Angel. Saturday started off a little shaky as Steve and I got into a large argument but I believe it turned out for the best. Babysitting Saturday night went well although me and some Mac & Cheese ended up having an affair. Whoopsie. Once the little ones were in bed, I watched P.S. I love you for the second time. In between blotting away my tear stained face and blowing my nose, I wondered why women do this to themselves. Men like that don't exist!

Steve and I spent the better part of Sunday assembling our new BBQ. For anyone who hasn't had the pleasure, pay the $50 fee to have it assembled for you. We were inches away from throwing in the towel and *almost* strangled each other. Four hours later, we grilled up a couple chicken breasts with BBQ sauce and we were pretty happy with each other. Would I do it again? Hell no.

I ate more then I would have liked on the weekend, but when I totaled it all, I was under my flex points. I really do hate using all my flex points because I feel like I've cheated! Alas, my pants felt loose this morning so something must be going right. My weekly weigh in is today and I'm actually excited! I don't think I lost much probably a couple ounces but I want to get motivated for this week.

Since I lost the bulk of my weight 3 years ago (I was 225 and got down to 160 on Jenny Craig) I have been thinking about getting a tummy tuck. My poor body has been through the ringer when it comes to weight fluctuations over the years. Now at 153, hoping to get down to 140, I have been quite stable (staying within 150-160). Would a tummy tuck be an appropriate award for getting down to 140 and staying there for a year? Will a tummy tuck finally make me feel better about my body?

Weigh in and New Hair

Hair: Finally bleached blonde again and bone straight thanks to Jen my basement stylist

Weight: 153.4 (weighed in at WW at 153.8)

Body Image: Somewhere between red and yellow (whatever THAT means)

Soooo...I weighed in at Weight Watchers on Tuesday night and lost 2.2 pounds! I'm back on track. The 140's are just around the corner. I haven't been under and stayed under 150 for at least 2 years. My pants are already loose and I'm beginning to notice how much less bloated I look, just with 5 pounds lost. Now I'm getting excited to stay On Program and watch the weight come off. I will get to my goal weight and I will keep it off this time!

My friend Emma always asks me what I eat everyday to keep in my 22 point allowance. Generally, I am a pretty boring menu planner. I eat the same breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack everyday. The only meal that changes for me would be my dinner. This allows me to always know how many points I have for dinner and snacks after dinner. I am also a firm believer in structure and taking the guess work out of my meals while I'm at work which monitors my mindless eating. My days look like this:

Breakfast: 1/3 cup Bran Buds (1 point), 1/2 cup Multi-grain Cheerios (1 point), 1/4 cup chopped strawberries (.5 points) and 1 cup Light Vitasoy (2 points)

Lunch: 2 slices Bodywise multigrain bread (1 point!), 3 slices fat-free Turkey Breast (2 points), Lettuce (0 points), 1 slice low-fat pizza Mozerlla (1 point), 1 Tbl Light Mayo (1 point)

Snack: Weight Watcher Mini-Bar (1 point), 1/2 cup baby carrots (1 point)

Example of my dinner (I had this last night): Spicy Cheezy Enchilada made with low-fat kraft shredded cheddar and mozerlla and ground turkey (8 points but I had a big piece), fat free sour cream (1 point)

Snack: Jolly Time Popcorn (2 points)

Total points used: 23 (Had a 30 minute brisk walk at lunch which earned me 1 activity point which I added onto my day)

On the hair front, I am now beautifully blonde again after my short stint as a red head. I LOVE it. My hairdresser Jen does such an amazing job and I absolutely love what she does. I can never get my hair this bone straight myself and I honestly wish my a hair always looked like this! She is truly a miracle worker. The picture attached is me with my new blond hair at work.

The Wii Fit and Looming Weigh in

Hair: sporting the Obi Wan Kenobi half up half down look

Weight: 153.4 (Begging to the Gods of weight loss this is how I weigh in tonight!)

Body Image: Better than yesterday!

Last night I was extremely lazy with my hair. I am getting my hair coloured and cut tomorrow, so I just didn't feel like curling or blow drying. I went to bed with wet hair. I woke up looking like a lion, a very disgruntled lion. It's a wonder Steve didn't run yelling and screaming from our bedroom. I took the dreaded straightening iron to my hair and yanked it into something manageable which now resembles something a male character from Lord of the Rings (particularly Legolas) use as their everyday hairstyle. On a positive note, I used the Jessicurl Hair Cleansing Cream last night and it lathered! I found it really gentle this time, and Steve said my hair smells really nice.

I really want to buy some more hair products. I am dieing to try some of the Curl Junkie and Kinky Curly products. Alas, I must hold myself back until my bank account recovers from last months birthday parties and the Olympics. Just because the shop is having a sale, it doesn't mean I need to buy. I need to keep chanting that to myself.

I bought Wii Fit off of a coworker yesterday and tried it out last night. I am a little disappointed that only the Wii Fit Plus tells you how many calories you've burned so I had no way to gauge how much work I really did. I played around with Yoga, some Running, a little Hula-hooping (OMG what a work out) and balance games. I'm happy to say I'm a little sore this morning. I must say I was a little upset to discover the Wii says I'm in the overweight category even though I knew this already. I would have to lose 17 pounds to reach Wii's ideal BMI of 22. This is my goal at Weight Watchers anyhow.

So tonight is the big weight in! I shouldn't say big because I am subjecting myself to this scrutiny every Tuesday. Wish me luck Cyber Space :)

Canada Wins GOLD!

Hair: Ponytail AGAIN

Weight: 153.8 (first thing in the AM....not a good sign)

Age: 25

Height: 5ft 5"

Points allowed: 22

Body Image: at an all time LOW

Steves birthday was on Saturday night and the good news is I had my allotted 6 glasses of wine. The bad news is I ate WAY to much at Memphis Blues (we ordered the Memphis platter) and I had a glass of honey lager at the last bar we went to. I will pat myself on the back for drinking lots of water while we were out, which I am sure prevented me from having a terrible hangover the next day. I babysat 2 little ones for the Gold Medal game, which of course did not interest a 1 year old or a 3 year old. It was lovely to look after both of them and not have a pounding headache!

I am really struggling with my body image right now. I took some pictures of myself naked last night so I can document the way my body looks now at this weight, and then I'll do the same when I'm hopefully 20 pounds lighter. Its been a long time since I stood in front of a mirror in my birthday suit and actually stared at myself. I was very upset with what I saw. My stomach has so much loose skin from when I reached my heaviest (225 pounds when I was 20) and I have stretch marks on my thighs, breasts, arms and stomach.

I am very worried I will never lose my stomach. It looks like I was pregnant at one point! I am angry at myself for allowing my body to get to this point and disappointed in myself that I did not have the willpower to stay at my goal weight of 138. Not only did I spend half of last night beating myself up about my appearance naked, I finished off the evening with a piece of cake, which of course only made me feel worse.

This morning when I left my very very drunk boyfriend passed out on the couch to head to work, I still felt guilty about everything I ate and drank this weekend. I struggle very much with public outings and staying on program during them. Steve called me at work and told me we will avoid outings for a while, but I feel like this does not fix the problem, it only avoids it. I need to learn how to eat out without eating EVERYTHING at the table.

To end my 3 paragraph pity party, I will summarize the positives:

• I went grocery shopping last night and bought lots of healthy choices for the week


• I had a delicious healthy breakfast (1/2 cup cheerios, 1/3 cup bran buds, 1/4 strawberries, 1 cup soy milk) which fills my up until lunch and I love fresh strawberries


• I got lots of compliments on my hair Saturday night


• My skinny jeans actually looked skinny! My best friend Emma said they looked stunning!


• I bought a Wii Fit off a co-worker and plan to use this every other day

I meant to post about my hair on Saturday night also. I used Rockin Ringlets, Confident Coils and a little bit of Pantene Curls Gel. I used about 4-5 quarter sized dollops of Rockin Ringlets and 3 blobs of Confident Coils. My hair was a bit crunchy so I scrunched out the crunch. I got lots of compliments on it at the restaurant, but I thought it looked really frizzy! I only have a little bit of Rockin Ringlets left...and I'm worried I might want to buy more. The picture of me and Steve at Saskatchewan house last week (picture above) was the same combination, and it seemed like it had more volume and less frizz.

Poor Steve is very hungover today and thanking the gods above that he booked today off at work. Work is dead due to the Gold Medal Win of Team Canada at the Olympics last night. I have never been so proud to be Canadian. Driving home last night I had a beautiful view of the mountains and people were on the street high-fiving and hugging. The atmosphere here in Vancouver is just bursting with pride. Way to go Team Canada!