Canada Wins GOLD!

Hair: Ponytail AGAIN

Weight: 153.8 (first thing in the AM....not a good sign)

Age: 25

Height: 5ft 5"

Points allowed: 22

Body Image: at an all time LOW

Steves birthday was on Saturday night and the good news is I had my allotted 6 glasses of wine. The bad news is I ate WAY to much at Memphis Blues (we ordered the Memphis platter) and I had a glass of honey lager at the last bar we went to. I will pat myself on the back for drinking lots of water while we were out, which I am sure prevented me from having a terrible hangover the next day. I babysat 2 little ones for the Gold Medal game, which of course did not interest a 1 year old or a 3 year old. It was lovely to look after both of them and not have a pounding headache!

I am really struggling with my body image right now. I took some pictures of myself naked last night so I can document the way my body looks now at this weight, and then I'll do the same when I'm hopefully 20 pounds lighter. Its been a long time since I stood in front of a mirror in my birthday suit and actually stared at myself. I was very upset with what I saw. My stomach has so much loose skin from when I reached my heaviest (225 pounds when I was 20) and I have stretch marks on my thighs, breasts, arms and stomach.

I am very worried I will never lose my stomach. It looks like I was pregnant at one point! I am angry at myself for allowing my body to get to this point and disappointed in myself that I did not have the willpower to stay at my goal weight of 138. Not only did I spend half of last night beating myself up about my appearance naked, I finished off the evening with a piece of cake, which of course only made me feel worse.

This morning when I left my very very drunk boyfriend passed out on the couch to head to work, I still felt guilty about everything I ate and drank this weekend. I struggle very much with public outings and staying on program during them. Steve called me at work and told me we will avoid outings for a while, but I feel like this does not fix the problem, it only avoids it. I need to learn how to eat out without eating EVERYTHING at the table.

To end my 3 paragraph pity party, I will summarize the positives:

• I went grocery shopping last night and bought lots of healthy choices for the week


• I had a delicious healthy breakfast (1/2 cup cheerios, 1/3 cup bran buds, 1/4 strawberries, 1 cup soy milk) which fills my up until lunch and I love fresh strawberries


• I got lots of compliments on my hair Saturday night


• My skinny jeans actually looked skinny! My best friend Emma said they looked stunning!


• I bought a Wii Fit off a co-worker and plan to use this every other day

I meant to post about my hair on Saturday night also. I used Rockin Ringlets, Confident Coils and a little bit of Pantene Curls Gel. I used about 4-5 quarter sized dollops of Rockin Ringlets and 3 blobs of Confident Coils. My hair was a bit crunchy so I scrunched out the crunch. I got lots of compliments on it at the restaurant, but I thought it looked really frizzy! I only have a little bit of Rockin Ringlets left...and I'm worried I might want to buy more. The picture of me and Steve at Saskatchewan house last week (picture above) was the same combination, and it seemed like it had more volume and less frizz.

Poor Steve is very hungover today and thanking the gods above that he booked today off at work. Work is dead due to the Gold Medal Win of Team Canada at the Olympics last night. I have never been so proud to be Canadian. Driving home last night I had a beautiful view of the mountains and people were on the street high-fiving and hugging. The atmosphere here in Vancouver is just bursting with pride. Way to go Team Canada!